Recess

I can recall a scene
if I really try
see the sweating of my brow
see the squinting of my eyes
I was lying in a field
and crouched by my side
were these outside ideals
stacked 6 feet high

Do I wish I could be the man on the silver screen
or that I could be with the girl who wished to be with me
wishing to end up being lovelessly married
living miserably until the day I'm effortlessly buried

The extent of the depravity
I've seen
and the subsequent construction

necessary security
dividing
the outside world from the purity I've kept

at least I think I have

it might've crept away from my embrace
while I slept
this has happened several times

in a literal sense


I'm sure you guessed
that I used to get out more
did more
thought less

I've brought death
to my nature
this stack of ideals
is all I have left

it disappoints you that I have disgusted myself
that my disfigured innards
have grown inward
intense

my distinctive sins
finally
distinctly grotesque